找回密码
 注册
搜索
查看: 2169|回复: 7

也交三月作业

[复制链接]
发表于 2007-3-20 17:58:13 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
<p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><font color="#719966">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; (旧作,凑一下数)<span lang="EN-US"><br/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<p></p></span></font></span></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966">莺飞绿满田,老树岂春眠?</font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966">仰看残枝上,欣然叶向天。</font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966"></font></span>&nbsp;</p><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><span lang="EN-US"><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966"></font></span></b>&nbsp;</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;鹏城春游</font></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"></span></b><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966" size="2"></font></span>&nbsp;</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966" size="2">岁末,妻儿来莞相聚,念及小女久慕大海之情,于正月初二携全家游小梅沙。谨以此记之。</font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966"></font></span>&nbsp;</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966">户外东风日日轻,携家好向海边行。</font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966">小梅沙上比肩影,欢乐谷中儿女情。</font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966">快艇如梭穿白浪,飞人似隼逐蓝鲸。</font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966">千般意气此时发,不觉相思别后生。<span lang="EN-US"><br/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ---2007-03-18 </span></font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966"><span lang="EN-US"></span></font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966"></font></span></span></font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966"></font></span></span></font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966">注:小梅沙,地名,鹏城八景之一,有“黄金海岸”之称。欢乐谷,深圳地名,人造景观,游乐园。<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span></font></span></span></font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966"><span lang="EN-US"></span></font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966"><span lang="EN-US"></span></font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966"><span lang="EN-US"></span></font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966"><span lang="EN-US"></span></font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966"><span lang="EN-US"></span></font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966"><span lang="EN-US"></span></font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><span lang="EN-US"><font color="#ff00ff">改动一下三联:</font><p><font color="#ff00ff"></font></p></span></span></p><p><font color="#ff00ff"></font></p><p><font color="#ff00ff"></font></p><p><font color="#ff00ff"></font></p><p><font color="#ff00ff"></font></p><p><font color="#ff00ff"></font></p><p><font color="#ff00ff"></font></p><p><font color="#ff00ff"></font></p><p><font color="#ff00ff"></font></p><p><font color="#ff00ff"></font></p><p><font color="#ff00ff"></font></p><p><font color="#ff00ff"></font></p><p><font color="#ff00ff"></font></p><p><font color="#ff00ff"></font></p><p><font color="#ff00ff"></font></p><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#ff00ff">户外东风逐日轻,携家好向海边行。</font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#ff00ff">小梅沙上比肩影,欢乐谷中儿女情。</font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#ff00ff">快艇如梭穿叠浪,飞人似隼瞰鹏城。</font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#ff00ff">千般意气此时发,不觉相思别后生。</font><span lang="EN-US"><br/></span></span><font color="#ff00ff">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ---2007-05-02&nbsp;</font></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><font color="#ff00ff"></font></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><font color="#ff00ff">(颈联没改好,暂存......)</font></p></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966"></font></span></b>&nbsp;</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966"></font></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966"></font></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966">捣练子</font></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966"></font></span></b>&nbsp;</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"></span></b><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;"><font color="#719966">桃带笑,</font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;"><font color="#719966">杏含春。</font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;"><font color="#719966">莺燕声声频唤门。</font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;"><font color="#719966">梦里那人今又见。</font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;"><font color="#719966">细腰新着绿罗裙。</font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;"><font color="#719966"></font></span>&nbsp;</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;"><font color="#719966"></font></span>&nbsp;</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;"><font color="#719966">****顺便讨伐一下雪师姐:出了三种体裁让偶们做,害偶东拼西凑...</font></span>[em03][em09]</p></span></span><p><br/>小梅沙的浪<br/></p><p>小梅沙的人<br/><br/><br/></p><br/><br/><br/>

本帖子中包含更多资源

您需要 登录 才可以下载或查看,没有账号?注册

×
发表于 2007-3-22 16:46:22 | 显示全部楼层
我也写不出。。。
回复

使用道具 举报

发表于 2007-3-30 17:53:14 | 显示全部楼层
<span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966">千般意气此时发,不觉相思别后生。</font></span>
回复

使用道具 举报

发表于 2007-4-1 14:31:19 | 显示全部楼层
<p>很漂亮的海滩呀~</p>
回复

使用道具 举报

发表于 2007-4-1 22:10:58 | 显示全部楼层
先前只注意诗,忘记看海了。再看看。呵呵
回复

使用道具 举报

发表于 2007-4-1 22:34:41 | 显示全部楼层
<p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966">绝句颇不好,且是旧作,不如米洗掉重做;词尚可.刀子下在七律:<br/>户外东风日日轻,携家好向海边行。</font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966">小梅沙上比肩影,欢乐谷中儿女情。</font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966">快艇如梭穿白浪,飞人似隼逐蓝鲸。</font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966">千般意气此时发,不觉相思别后生。<br/>观图片上的浪,可不象是轻风,可换个角度.二联对仗欠工,天下转成繁体的版面还错了一个"谷"字,山谷的谷同简体.三联合掌,可以考虑写成流水对.尾联到是好句,然忽然言别太过突兀,前面缺少过渡.不过总体来开句子顺畅许多,谋篇亦略有板眼.<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span></font></span></p>
回复

使用道具 举报

发表于 2007-4-1 22:36:33 | 显示全部楼层
<p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966">绝句颇不好,且是旧作,不如米洗掉重做;词尚可.刀子下在七律:<br/>户外东风日日轻,携家好向海边行。</font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966">小梅沙上比肩影,欢乐谷中儿女情。</font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966">快艇如梭穿白浪,飞人似隼逐蓝鲸。</font></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体;"><font color="#719966">千般意气此时发,不觉相思别后生。<br/>观图片上的浪,可不象是轻风,可换个角度.二联对仗欠工,天下转成繁体的版面还错了一个"谷"字,山谷的谷同简体.三联合掌,可以考虑写成流水对.尾联到是好句,惟此处言别太过突兀,前面缺少过渡.不过总体来开句子顺畅许多,谋篇亦略有板眼.<span lang="EN-US"><br/></span></font></span></p>
回复

使用道具 举报

发表于 2007-4-10 18:20:25 | 显示全部楼层
<p>点评的仔细,学习下。</p>
回复

使用道具 举报

您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

Archiver|手机版|小黑屋|江右诗社 ( 苏ICP备11024144 )

GMT+8, 2024-11-24 07:45 , Processed in 0.016973 second(s), 18 queries .

Powered by Discuz! X3.5

© 2001-2024 Discuz! Team.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表