丁亥九日登庐山用小杜九日齐山登高韵（改稿并存，求砖）

抱月斋

<p>窃以为贼、剪、犁、妒、阴等字在律诗中出现，显得有些突兀。正如仰老所说，雕琢太过。或云：过犹不及，若此诗乎？</p>

阿咸

<p>也说改的好.</p><p>小倦同学这首偶很喜欢啊,气象开阔,悲而不衰,3联大气,尾收束自然而又有振意.</p><p><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-hansi-font-family: 'times new roman'; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ascii-font-family: 'times new roman';">凄戚二字还是不甚喜欢,觉得沙虫可见可不见,见有其形,闻有其声,可选其一也.下巴联金刀,鸿雁四字是不是还应酌一下,尤其金刀二字承2句来依旧风意当换个意象.都是拙见啊.</span></p>

浔阳倦客

<p>咸老爷红叶抱月一并谢过。再改</p><p><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-hansi-font-family: 'times new roman'; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ascii-font-family: 'times new roman';">凄戚虫沙伴叶飞，商风戕物术精微。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.5pt;"><br/></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-hansi-font-family: 'times new roman'; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ascii-font-family: 'times new roman';">芳华布地徐徐尽，鸿雁犁天急急归。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.5pt;"><br/></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-hansi-font-family: 'times new roman'; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ascii-font-family: 'times new roman';">妒日青云阴九派，吞吴白浪泛千晖。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.5pt;"><br/></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-hansi-font-family: 'times new roman'; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ascii-font-family: 'times new roman';">崖前丹桂怜萧瑟，犹遣残香染客衣。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.5pt;"><br/></span></p>

水击三千

<p>看来老倦还是对虫虫情有独钟哈。</p><p>犁天，好啊。急急对得有些板。</p>