《天淨沙》

秋靈

<strong>《天淨沙》</strong><div style="ADDING-RIGHT: 0px; MARGIN-TOP: 10px; FONT-SIZE: 11pt; OVERFLOW-X: hidden; WIDTH: 97%; WORD-BREAK: break-all; TEXT-INDENT: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: normal; HEIGHT: 200px; WORD-WRAP: break-word;"><p><strong><span lang="ZH-CN" style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: #386149; FONT-FAMILY: SimSun; mso-ascii-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;"><font size="4">返寄居地暨生日<br/><br/></font></span><span lang="ZH-CN" style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: #386149; FONT-FAMILY: SimSun; mso-ascii-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;"><font size="4">无眠翻转西风，吉辰思母难逢。卧倒停云院东。这厢细雨，一声声动梧桐。</font></span></strong></p></div>

水击三千

贺！[em10]

梅云

颇饶韵致!"院东"处最好用去上,"雨"处一般押仄韵,如"古道西风瘦马,夕阳西下";然上声原可易平,第五句亦可不押韵,白朴"春山暖日和风"一首,此二句即作"杨柳秋千院中,啼莺舞燕"也.顺祝芳辰快乐!

秋靈

<p><font color="#000000">謝謝！</font></p><p><font color="#000000">亦感謝 <font face="Verdana">梅云前輩不吝賜教！^_^</font></font></p>

一得愚生

二句情雖深 但表達似不夠好

秋靈

謝！[em04]